My last post was in 2017 and it was about ‘Not getting the part’. Since then I have done some pretty extensive work on this in terms of my mindset.

To begin with, I attended Tracey Streets Tuesday night Audition classes where I learnt a whole host of reasons as to why you wouldn’t get a part and how to approach an audition. As my last post explains, I put everything in to an audition. Everything. The stakes were high.

I’ve basically realised that I had to chill out. I was probably coming across too eager to please or maybe I was putting something across you just couldn’t put your finger on.

Tracey basically explained that after putting in all the preparation you possibly can and knowing the text and character inside out and taking chances, you then basically have to relax and go in the audition room as ‘the friend who is there out of pure coincidence and just has a go’. So having a relaxed and calm attitude.

But most importantly after the audition you, ‘Let It Go’ (I now have that written on a wooden plank on my shelf to constantly remind me). This valuable advice did help me but it did take me a few auditions to properly implement. Truthfully, it didn’t completely ‘cure’ me either. I would still be deflated when I had not heard back from an audition.

What really had a massive difference on my attitude was actually nothing to do with auditions at all.

After reading self help books over a number of years (I do have a fascination with the human brain and positivity) it was only upon taking a chance that really scared me that my attitude completely changed.

After a colleague was oversubscribed with acting students, he asked me if I had any interest taking some children on to do London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts Awards. I had taught LAMDA before and really enjoyed it so I decided to take a chance.

After touring with Paddy McGuinness back in 2011, when I wasn’t acting I supplemented my income with supply teaching. Since 2011, I had not committed to anything other than acting incase I had to drop it due to an acting job coming along. What I didn’t realise was doing something which wasn’t drama or acting related really got me down so much so I was actually depressed.

During the 7 years what kept me going was meeting my extremely supportive husband and having my two gorgeous children. After going back to work after my second maternity leave the reality of continuing to do supply work was a bleak prospect. I found it increasingly hard to find motivation to do things of an evening to propel my acting career. The day job was zapping all of my energy. My sheer determination got me through but my goodness it was like dragging myself through tar and being pulled back at the same time. I would sit at the laptop and reply to possible work connections with tears of exhaustion. At the time I believed it was exhaustion but I realised it was actually depression that made me feel like that.

To cut a long story short, when I’m not doing an acting job, or looking after and nurturing my crazy family, I am now absorbed in drama. Teaching it hasn’t made me feel like a frustrated actor which is what I feared it would do. Instead it has inspired me and given me energy. But most importantly it has helped me to find the love for it again which is why I started acting in the first place. I was obsessed with plays and text and doing my best to get the text across and that is what I have been doing in self tapes and auditions and my goodness it works! I’m not saying that I have since got all the acting jobs I go for but I am getting a better hit rate. I also now feel that I go in, do my job well and then walk away satisfied so that I can ‘let it go’.